There’s nothing like placing yourself in the position to be used by someone else. Always being the encourager, giving your everything to the point where you are completely being used as a crutch. The person limps, staggers in their gait and uses you to remain balanced. Through this all, what does it mean for me? Am I simply meant to stay underneath your bosom like I don’t have an identity of my own? Does this mean that without me, you cannot exist? I don’t want to shoulder this responsibility—I don’t want to carry this weight of your brokenness. Jesus is for that.
I know you say you know Him—but your dependency on Him is slow and conditional. So here I am taking whatever you decide not to give to Him. You say you love me, but don’t even realize that you are stifling my growth. You don’t even realize that the more you grow, the more I remain the same—just pushing you to your greatness, as you step on my back to climb higher. Well my back is aching, and the footprints on my spine are beginning to fracture my vertebrae and it is difficult to stand tall. How do I live when you take my very breath in order for you to breathe? How do I truly inhale, when I am choked by your overly dependent love? I deserve better than this. I deserve better than this. It’s not enough to be cuddled and embraced—but can you embrace my heart and nurture my potential in a way that demonstrates the genuine love of Christ? Have I simply settled for sub-par existence, simply because you wooed me into your embrace? I hope that you understand that since I know I deserve more, me leaving is not about you at all—in fact, for once it’s all about me. It’s all about looking in the mirror and finally recognizing myself. It’s about intentionally walking into the freedom that God has allotted for me. I know what I deserve, so I crawl from beneath your bosom and have to allow you to stumble, fall, lose your balance—just to regain it and stand firmly on your own two feet.
A Woman Who Knows Her Worth