Everyone is Having Sex.
"Everyone is having sex, except for me."
I remember in high school hearing the lunchroom conversations of the popular crew gloating about their recent sexual encounters. I would stylistically eavesdrop as I would slowly shuffle past them with my lunch tray in hand. In college, things stayed the same-- except now, I lived in co-ed dorms and had to actually hear my dormmates engage in sexual acts. On every TV show, it seemed to nestle a tone of casual sex being the norm and I quickly realized that everyone is having sex, except for me.
What do you do, when everyone is doing it-- but you aren't, and you don't want to, but your convictions seem lofty? I went through seasons where my decision to remain abstinent were challenged. Was I not having sex because I was afraid of getting pregnant? Afraid of appearing cheap, loose and slutty? Was I not having it because no one wanted me? Was I not having sex, because I feared the wrath of God? I had a laundry list of reasons that I had been fed for years, but none of them seemed to really explain why everyone was having sex, except for me.
Until, one day when the opportunity to have sex came and I really didn't want it.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body" -1 Corinthians 6:18, NIV
As the opportunity presented itself, I sensed an inner voice utter the words "FLEE. This is YOUR BODY." How come, in that moment, 1 Corinthians 6:18 came into my heart? Why is it that in one minute my body desired it, but my Spirit rejected it? What exactly did God want to know about myself that He had to send a word in the heat of the moment?
I quickly realized that the act of fleeing prior to having sex outside of the covenant of marriage is a choice. You can choose to stay, and have sex and share your body with the person that you love.. or like. But after that choice is made, it is your body that bears the scars of that decision. In that moment God had to remind me of my ability to chose and the value of my body. God gave us one body to live in, feed, nurture and protect. The reason in which I count calories and rethink consumption of alcohol is the same way God was trying to tell me to chose how I wanted to treat my body.
You are not here by mistake, and your existence is a miracle. From conception to birth and development, God has curated every aspect of your existence to greatly reflect His glory and to add value to you. Without a doubt, you are valuable. Often times the mediocre nature of our lives and the influences of society dumb down our value and make us lose sight of what we carry. We find comfort in the arms of strangers and sexually bind ourselves with lost souls. Without the covenant and protection of marriage, we expose our minds, souls, and bodies to scars-- deep, messy and impactful scars that require patient persistence to reverse. The weight of sex isn't lessened by the frequency and causality of it-- like a bad habit, the effects of the act are not lessened by frequency, all that happens is that we grow numb to its effects and our tolerance for the act increases. With increased tolerance, our desire for more of it-- sex increases. In the place of love, we accept sex-- in the place of affirmation and acceptance we accept sex. Bartering with our value for the momentary pleasure of just being wanted, we don't even realize that we give up everything for sex.
So when you ask me, why I wait? I wait because the weight of not waiting is too much to bear. Even if you've been sexually active, the courageous decision to stop and wait will begin the process of freeing that burden. If we really think about, "everyone" really isn't having sex. Without a doubt, some are, some have and some will-- but to allow the fear of being different and inexperienced is nothing to be feared at all. If we spoke up enough, instead of actually assuming everything, we would realize that we are indeed not alone. Some are having, everyone isn't having sex and you don't have to have sex either.
Waiting for Marriage to Have sex-- then it's going down...basement.